Baby, Oh Baby
by thorsgirl
Summary: At first it was simple. Draco plus Ginny AKA Malfoy plus Weasley equals enemies. During a fight, a baby comes between them. Literally. They are told to watch the baby as punishment. Do things change? You bet. Rated for Language
1. Karma

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I do not own Harry Potter… the characters and the storyline etc. belong to J.K. Shame, she could've at least let me borrow Draco, lol.

**Summary:** _At first it was simple Draco+Ginny AKA Malfoy+Weasley = enemies. During a fight, a baby comes between them. Literally. They are told to watch the baby (as punishment). Do things change? You bet._

**A/N:** I'm going to go through these chapters and try my best to edit them. There are some things that just have to be fixed. For instance, Ginny's real name.

_**Baby, Oh Baby**_

_**I: Karma**_

_Ginny's P.O.V._

As I was walking down the corridor with Colin Creevey the Great Hall, I sighed. I could see my brother, Ron, and his girlfriend and one of my best friends, Luna Lovegood. Judging by the look on Ron's face, he must think Colin and I are dating. Sometimes my brother is so slow; Colin is also one of my best friends. JUST best friends.

Luckily for me, though, they walked right past us. Ron did shoot a death glare towards Colin, but I'm just glad he didn't cause a scene like he has in the past. When I dated Dean things were plain awful in the beginning with Ron. Ron seems to think he can just butt into my love life (or lack thereof) anytime he wants. It's so frustrating not being able to have any privacy! I don't say anything about him and Luna snogging every chance they get.

Do bad things always come after good things? Or tragedies in threes? If what just happened was good for ME, I wonder what will happen now.

…

Merlin. I've been sitting in Divination for way TOO long. Those fumes in that room of Trelawney's must be toxic; I think they're making my brain go to mush.

Colin stopped walking partway to the Great Hall. "Ginny, I'm going to go get a couple more pictures outside of the Hall so I can finish this roll. I'll see you later," Colin said.

"Yup, later then." I grinned at him. "I'm going to head down library to find-"

"Hey, Gin, look out!"

Now, picture this in slow motion: I bring my head up, only to have my nose come in contact with something – HARD. There's a flash of platinum before my eyes. After landing on the floor, I push up on my hands and sit up.

_Hey… since when does the floor have long, hard rocks?_ I groped around a bit.

"Weaselette, are you going to_ quit groping me anytime soon and get off?_" A dry voice interrupted my train of thought.

_Oh, Merlin, what a nice chest. Damn! This thing is basically chiseled…_ I poked his chest. _Umm… I mean…_ I shook my head to clear my thoughts.

:click:

"What the hell?" We looked over to see Colin taking pictures. Of us! Hastily, I scrambled up.

"Something wrong, Weasel?" Malfoy sneered in my direction. "We all know you liked it." With a glare in Colin's general direction, he had the poor boy scampering off down the corridor.

"Why on Earth did you do that? Colin's my friend!" I shouted into his face.

"He was taking pictures," was the dry response. "Of course, by tomorrow's first class your brother will know what you do in your spare time. Or rather, who you'd like to be doing. Not a bad choice, if I say so myself." Malfoy smirked.

Oh, no! Colin wouldn't do that! I mean, I know Colin loves a good picture and all, but this is Draco Ferret Malfoy. "Colin wouldn't put up those pictures. You wouldn't dare say anything about this," I growled. I poked him in the chest with my index finger for good measure. _Yeah, it's definitely hard,_ I mused silently.

"Dare? Oh, I think I do. You see, dares are my favorite thing." Malfoy smirked at me and leaned down, practically touching his nose to mine. My breath hitched in my throat.

:dwink dwink: I twitched. :slap: (A/N: sound familiar to those of you who watch Inuyasha?)

"Pervert! You – you groped me!" I screamed in his face.

Draco Bloody Malfoy remained calm. "_**I**_ groped _**you**_? If that's the case, then you were practically shagging me through my clothes!"

"Oh, you wish. Intolerable jerk!"

"Stupid perverted child!"

"Child, huh? Well, no child punches like this, you prat of a bastard!" He caught my arm. 'Damn.'

"Insolent little bi-" A little blue bundle being levitated by the floor caught our eyes.

Perplexed, Malfoy let go of my arm. I bent down to pick up the bundle. Moving the top of a blanket aside, I realized that it was a baby boy.

Looking up at Malfoy, I said, "Don't you dare continue that sentence." Then I realized that he was walking off. "Hey! Where are you going?"

"It's not my kid," came the drawl. That infuriated me.

"Ex_cuse_ me? With your reputation, I wouldn't be surprised if you _**HAD**_ a couple of kids running around!" He turned to look at me, and probably would've sneered if Professor McGonagall hadn't shown up. Actually, he sneered at me anyway. _I hope his face gets stuck._

"What in the name of Merlin are you two standing there arguing about?" The baby yawned, and Professor noticed him for the first time. "My goodness! Ginevra… is this…?" She looked from Malfoy to me. "I… never noticed that-"

Realization dawned on me. She thought that this was my baby… and that fool's! "Professor McGonagall, this is not my child. Mal- I mean, Draco and I were talking-" I was interrupted by a snort.

"Ha, talking. Is that what you call being all over me?" Malfoy raised an eyebrow.

"Why, I oughtta – If I wasn't holding him-," I indicated the baby, "-I would kick your… tush. And besides, aren't Malfoys too dignified to snort?"

"We all know you want to 'kick' my tush either way. You know you like the way it looks. What's more, Malfoys make snorting dignified. Thank you and have a good day." I glared at him.

"I think I've seen enough," Professor McGonagall said sternly. "So where did this handsome young man come from?" She took him from me and started cooing in his face.

Ferret-boy and I both started. "H-he just kind of popped up," Malfoy tried to explain.

"Just popped up? It's not possible to apparate into Hogwarts. We'll need to see Professor Dumbledore about this." She paused. "What's your name, little one?" The baby gurgled and reached up to pull her hair. Professor McGonagall laughed and handed him back to me.

_How often does Professor McGonagall laugh?_ was the look I gave Dra- I mean, Malfoy. He shrugged and started walking down the hall.

"Mister Malfoy," The professor called.

"Professor Dumbledore," was the reply. I hurried after him.

"Umm… Draco?" Damn it! I was supposed to say Malfoy, Malfoy!

"Are you just going to stand there and goggle at me all day, or are you actually going to say something?" He sneered.

"WAH!"

"Oh, dear God Malfoy!"

"What'd I do!"

"Can't you find somewhere else to do that God-awful stupid look of yours?"

"I didn't do anything! Maybe if that little brat-"

"Don't call him a brat!"

"Well, maybe if the stupid little bastard-" :slap: "Ow! What was that for?"

"What have I told you about cursing around him?"

"Mr. and Mrs. Mal- I mean," ooh, Professor McGonagall hid that smirk behind her hand rather well, "Mr. Malfoy, Miss Weasley, are you starting a babysitting service, or are you having maniac reproduction problems?"

"Oh, ew!"

"Why the hell would I want to do that with this bitch? Ow!" Did Professor McGonagall just kick him under her robes?

"Ten points from Slytherin for cursing," she said.

"What the? I'm a 7th year, for crying out loud! I'm of age and can do magic outside of school but I get pegged for swearing?"

"For cursing in front of a _baby_. Oh, and there's a reason I asked about babysitting." She pointed back towards us. "Look by your feet."

"A… oh, not more of them!" I chuckled. He looked about ready to have a coronary.

Hold it… what did he mean "not more of them!" I looked down. Beside my feet there was not one bundle but two. One was a light pink and the other, a light green. A pair of bluish-gray eyes and a pair of hazel eyes stared back at me innocently.

"Umm… Malfoy?" I paused, trying to regain my composure. "Can you hold him? I… I need to – to tie my shoe."

Draco… Damn! Did it again. Oh, who CARES? I'll use his freaking name. Draco took the baby from me. "Weasley, your shoes don't even _have _laces," he not-so-kindly pointed out. And I went to tie my shoelaces, all right.

I fainted.

_CURSE_ karma.


	2. I Introduce to the World

**Disclaimer**: Sadly enough, I do not own Harry Potter… the characters and the storyline etc. belong to J.K.

**Summary**: _At first it was simple Draco+Ginny AKA Malfoy+Weasley = enemies. During a fight, a baby comes between them. Literally. They are told to watch the baby (as punishment). Do things change? You bet._

**A/N:** I'm going to go through these chapters and try my best to edit them. There are some things that just have to be fixed. For instance, Ginny's real name.

_**Baby, Oh Baby**_

_**II: I Introduce to the World…**_

_Draco's P.O.V._

Oh, for the love of- Weaselette fainted! What a girl! Perfect timing. I'm carrying her AND a crying brat. Professor McGonagall had the easy job: carrying the babies in the pink and green blankets. They're the ones that don't make any noise.

I rolled my eyes heavenward. "Which one of you guys hates me?" I grumbled. "Carrying her AND a kid is no easy task – it's like she put on ten pounds in the past five minutes!"

Weaselette groaned. "I heard that," came the barely audible voice.

"Can you walk?" She nodded. "Good." With a ::thump:: I dropped her on her rump on the floor. As she opened her mouth to curse at me, I pointed to the cause of my pain from both Deputy Headmistress AKA Professor and one of my peers. "Would you have preferred me drop you on your head?" I paused. "Besides, I didn't want to drop the baby and get another beating… a person could sue for abuse, you know!" I glared at her accusingly; she merely laughed it off.

"Uh, hey, Draco? Where's the Professor?" My Weaselette had this cute puppy – Woah! What the f-?! "My Weaselette?" "Cute _**puppy**_ look?!" And she used my first name, no less.

"Mister Malfoy, Miss Weasley, I do NOT have all day. Unless you'd like to see the Headmaster some OTHER time?" I swear the damn woman's been taking lessons from Snape or something; that eyebrow raising of hers looks much too Slytherin. "Well?" I realized that I hadn't been paying attention to a thing that had happened, and that the blasted child in my arms was *still* wailing his head off.

Looking at Weasel, I tried to sneer without looking too much like a deer caught in headlights.

…

What the hell ARE headlights, anyway? All I know is that they're part of an expression. Bah, who cares. Malfoys do not ponder over things, especially Muggle shit. It's nowhere near dignified.

"Neither is cursing," a voice interrupted my train of thought.

I managed to hold back a blush. Seems that I'd been talking out loud. Hold it.

"Is someone going a little soft on me, my lovely redhead?" I snickered almost inaudibly.

"Oh, not at all, honey-muffin poopey-dragon." Why is that sickeningly sweet smile making my stomach churn? Ugh, and that name!

::whap:: Spoke too soon.

"Holy fu-" I stopped. Those slaps hurt like a bitch. I don't want another one gracing my gorgeous face – not like I'd give her the pleasure of knowing that, though. She is a Weasley, and I am the rich Slytherin Sex God Malfoy. That does NOT add up.

"Is there a problem, Mister Malfoy?" Where does this woman keep on coming from, and WHY? I could've sworn she'd walked past us.

"Not at all." I stalked off towards the Headmaster's office. _Yet again,_ I noted dryly.

"Hey, Malfoy…" There was a rustle of robes, and the youngest weasel-child appeared at my side.

"What now?!" I snarled. Momentarily she seemed unaffected by this. Momentarily.

"If they start crying, then I will have your head for dinner, Draco Malfoy," she hissed.

"Merlin only knows what you'd use it for." I wiggled my eyebrows, mentally cheering as she squirmed uncomfortably in fury.

"Anyway," she spoke as soon as she regained her composure. "What shall we call these little…" Her attention was drawn towards my chest as she trailed off.

…

…

Her staring is kind of starting to creep me out.

"Oh, Draco."

Oh, man. I wish she hadn't gone and done that. Even though she's exasperated she sounds kinda hot. Thank Merlin robes are loose.

"No wonder he's been crying. You're holding him incorrectly."

"What?" I always thought that a baby's head was supposed to be level with his feet. "It's the way my father used to hold me."

"No wonder you're so messed up in the head," she grumbled.

Little Weasley – since I feel goofy saying "she" all the time, and there must be about a thousand "she's" in this school – stepped towards me. The Crying Pain in the Arse was grasped gently.

"You do this – " she moved one of my elbows so the baby's head rested near my elbow, "-and this, and- Yuck. Looks like someone needs a diapey change!"

"Diapey? Oh, you mean a nappy… That's disgusting, Weasley! There's no way in hell I'm doing that," I cried as she looked at me expectantly. "You must be out of your damn mind!"

"Hello, Mr. Malfoy, Miss Weasley. Good evening to you both. Now what is this that Minerva – Professor McGonagall to you lot – has been telling me about babysitting?" That twinkle in his eyes as we told out story was unmistakable; the old man was plotting something.

"And now here we are," finished Gin – I mean, the youngest Weasley child. Yeah, I mean her.

"Seems to me," McGonagall began, "that what we have here is –"

"Cooperation," Dumbledore said.

"Eh?" I always knew the old geezer was off his rocker.

"Young Mister Malfoy, I am most certainly off of my rocker." Big pause. "I'm on my cushioned chair."

Nutcase.

"I was actually going to say that we had a failure to cooperate," McGonagall mumbled.

"Well, I have a proposal for the two of you." Generally, whenever Dumbledore makes proposals, it causes problems on my part, since I'm Head Boy. "You will take care of these three bundles of joy until their parents come to retrieve them."

"No way!" _Why am I the only one opposed to this?_ As I turned around, I realized why: Weaselette was cuddling the blue blanketed one.

"Mister Malfoy, I do not believe that you have a say in this." Whoa! Where the hell did Snape come from? He just popped up. _Gee, a lot of people seem to be doing that lately,_ I thought. _Oh, the irony of it all; I thought we couldn't apparate in the building. House-elves much?_ What is it with teachers and lurking in dark corners anyway? Filch and that cat, Mrs. Norris, are bad enough.

Dumbledore quickly performed some binding spell. It sounded familiar, but I couldn't quite figure out why. "I now pronounce you husband and wife. Presented to the world for the first time are Mr. and Mrs. Draco and Ginevra Malfoy." My eyes bulged out of their sockets. "And you share custody," he continued, this stupid smile practically glued to his face.

"Whaaa?!!"

"Did you not hear that part of the agreement. Rather, of the punishment, Mal – Draco, dear? We have to pretend to be together for the kids, _and _the punishment," said Ginny. I can't believe I have to use her name now. Even so, I couldn't help gloating at the fact that she looked as though she'd swallowed lemon juice. Professor Snape was paler than usual, and Professor McGonagall could've easily friend an egg on her face.

"I guess I missed it." Professor Snape was glaring at me… you know the one. The I'm-Snape-and-you-shall-fear-me-despite-the-fact-that-my-first-name-is-Severus glare. Figures. He's probably thinking the same thing that I am. The sooner I start, the sooner it ends.

"I will not tolerate these imbeciles," Snape curled his lip while Ginny gasped, "in my classroom."

"Don't call them that!"

"Ah, the place of a mother," Dumbledore sighed wistfully. _What is he smoking?!_

"Come along, Ginevra. We must get going." Excuse me while I hurl for being polite to a Weasley.

She smirked at me. "Oh, that IS right!" _What the f-?_' "Someone needs his diapey changed! And someone else needs to learn how to change it." I was given this sinister grin. "Don't call me Ginevra."

"Oh, Merlin, no!" I pleaded, as she dragged me out of the door kicking and screaming with three brats in tow.

Vaguely, I heard Professor Snape saying, "That boy could probably be heard in the Great Hall."

Guess who happened to pop up on the way downstairs? The Dream Trio. Weasel, Pothead, and Mudblood. Yippee. Oh, and that Loony Lovegood chick.

I grimaced as I had a bad flashback. I once caught Weasel and Loony snogging in an empty classroom. Not a pretty picture. I was scarred for life.

"Hey, Ferret! What the hell are you doing near my sister?" I almost feel sorry for the beating that he's about to get. Almost. "And whose kids are these?!"

"I would like to introduce you to Mr. and Mrs. Draco and Ginevra Malfoy… And kids," Snape called smoothly over his shoulder as he passed.

So now he joins McGonagall on my hit list.

"Bloody fucking hell!" He is seriously about to die. Ginevra's going to hurt him for swearing with the brats around. I closed my eyes and braced myself as a fist went flying.


	3. Side Adventure D Malfoy and the Dirty D...

**Disclaimer**: Sadly enough, I do not own Harry Potter… the characters and the storyline etc. belong to J.K. I am a huge D/G and H/Hr shipper. Trust me, I would've at least done THAT differently!

**Summary**: _At first it was simple Draco+Ginny AKA Malfoy+Weasley = enemies. During a fight, a baby comes between them. Literally. They are told to watch the baby (as punishment). Do things change? You bet._

**A/N:** I'm going to go through these chapters and try my best to edit them. There are some things that just have to be fixed. For instance, Ginny's real name.

**_Baby, Oh Baby_**

**_III: Side Adventure – D. Malfoy and the Dirty Diapey_**

Ginny's P.O.V. (Welcome to the very confused life of Ginny Weasley… I mean Malfoy… whatever)

_Oh dear Merlin, Merlin, Merlin,_ I chanted to myself. _Why the hell is Malfoy… I mean, Draco, just bloody standing there?!_

"Wah!"

Ron pulled back his fist.

"WAH!"

He decided to be stupid and ignore the pink bundle that I was hugging to my chest.

I could just picture the baby going, 'WAH, DAMN IT! I said –' "_**WAH!!!**_"

Wow… that was scarily accurate. And it made Ron stop that stupid rampage of his, as well. He finally decided to get a clue and look at the little noisemaker.

"Wha – who – how?!" he stuttered.

"She's your niece. Her name is… uh… Molly Narcissa _Malf_oy," I'd found name cards in each of the blankets, "and she just so happens to be one of _my three children_," I stated, relishing in the 'soapy-mouth' look on my dear big brother's face. "As for the how," I continued, "one would think that even YOU could've figured that out by now." Hermione laughed outright, and Ron glared at her.

Malfoy looked at me almost how I'd seen Dad look at Mum whenever he's proud of her… except for the fact that Dad doesn't smirk that often – if at all._ What a way to freak a person out._ The Boy-Who-Wouldn't-Die and Tweedle-Dee (as I've heard Hermione refer to Ron at times) stood in shock. Hermione hid a smile. "Come along, Ginevra. We must get going. I must say, I think that I would rather face that dirty 'diapey' – as you call it, instead of saying diaper or nappy – than have your brother glaring my head off." He put his free arm around my waist. Of course, Malfoy was probably just holding me close to egg on my brother. I shrugged at myself and we walked off down the corridor.

_And, before I forget._ I untangled Draco's arm from around my waist and marched back to the amazed trio. "Hermione, would you hold Molly?" An eager look appeared on her face as she practically snatched the baby out of my right arm. "Ronald," I hissed. He gulped. "What did the five fingers say to the face?"

:: SLAP!:: _I'm Rick James, bitch!_ I mentally giggled.

"Watch your language, young man." And before you ask, no, I would NOT say that Rick James quote out loud – Malfoy would be hounding me about it till one of us died, and even then he probably wouldn't leave me alone. Anyways. I crossed my arms and huffed at Ron.

"Ginny!" he whined. "Stop it. You look like Mum when you do that!"

"Hey, Ginny, can I come with you?" Hermione winked. "I want to get some first-hand experience at this. They are pretty cute." Harry turned scarlet and rushed off, saying something about having to use the loo… I do remember him leaving to use it earlier, before Colin and I were walking down the corridor earlier and this whole mess happened. Draco looked at me, as if he could read my mind, and glanced at Hermione. The girl was practically glowing.

I am officially scared now. Harry and Hermione? Never thought I'd see the day. I can tell they'll be good together, but this is a bit much to take in all at once.

Draco muttered something as Harry went near him. _Oh, Merlin, not another argument for me to break up._ Surprisingly enough, Harry nodded at whatever was said, before quickening his pace after sparing Draco a grin. _What the frick on Earth is going on here?! Kids are popping out of nowhere and two enemies are joking with each other… We're all going to die. Old Voldy is going to win the war or something._

When Hermione and I neared Draco, I raised an eyebrow at him. Clearly, it was a 'what-the-heck-just-happened-here?' look. He winked at me (Gah! The world really IS ending!) and said, "I told him to run while he still could. Ow! Why'd you kick me?" He was giving me an accusing glare when Molly decided to remind us of something as we all heard a small noise.

Hermione wrinkled her nose. "That is one NASTY smelling nappy." Oh yes, very nasty indeed. So now Molly _and_ the blue one need to be changed.

"Are you sure that you don't want to back out while you still can?" Draco sent an concerned look at Hermione. Then I reminded myself that this is Draco Malfoy. He couldn't be concerned even if it were the last emotion he was able to feel. It wouldn't make any sense for him to feel concerned. "I mean, honestly! No one should ever have to go through the agony and misfortune of seeing a dirty nappy. Especially me."

Concerned? Pft, yeah right! Could have fooled me.

"Well, it's just so interesting and babies are so cute and all and…" After a while, I started to tune out Hermione's over-chipper voice. From the looks of it, Draco was as well.

"Does she _ever_ shut up?!" Draco hissed at me.

I shook my head, solemn. "You got her started, you prat."

" … cute couple and have some gorgeous kids." Hermione was STILL rambling.

Eh? "Eh?" Merlin, Draco has to be a mind reader or something.

"Oh, I was just saying that you two would make a really hot couple and could pass these off as your own kids and…" Hermione stopped, realizing – in horror – what she had just said aloud.

" 'Mione," I muttered, "set Molly down very slowly so as to not attract his attention, and then run like a bat in… well, you-know-where."

"Ginny, bat's don't run," she stated in a very matter-of-fact voice. I gave her a look. "Oh."

Hermione levitated Molly over near me, while slinking down the hallway, assuming different positions whenever someone walked by her… It's almost as if she thought that they wouldn't be able to see her. The weird looks that they gave her should've been more than enough.

"Sailor Moon fanatic." I sighed in exasperation, remembering how Hermione and I had gone through her movie collection this summer, and then turned to look for Draco. The space that he had previously occupied was empty. I looked around "Draco? … DRACO!" He was too busy trying to get Molly out of the air. What happened next was so hilarious (in my opinion) that I just couldn't leave it out. Mind you, he couldn't get one thing, but he COULD get another."

"EURGH!" Excuse me while I go die in a corner, laughing. "Ginevra, help me over here!" I glared at him.

"Don't you take that tone of voice with me, mister! It's not my fault that you pulled off her diaper when she was levitated – and still needed it changed. I told you never to call me that!"

"But, it _stinks!_"

Dear Mer… I mean, Dear Dumbledore, you stuck me with a whiner. "Alright, let's get a couple of things straightened out first – YOU stink! Draco Malfoy, it is not my fault that you were so persistent on getting her out of the air that you forgot you were a wizard. What's more, you pulled her nasty nappy on your head – that's just stupidity right there. If we'd gone on ahead and changed her without you whining, then all of this wouldn't have happened. As for the 'help you,' once again, you're a wizard. It's called a D.I.Y. - Do It Yourself!"

He puffed out his chest. "Not only am I a wizard, but I'm a stud as well."

":: Pfft:: Yeah, right. Says you who has a nasty nappy on your head." Draco glared at me; I sighed. "Fine, we might as well head up to Madame Pomfrey. It's not like we don't need clean nappies and all for them anyway." I started to hand him one of the little 'darlings' when I paused and decided not to. Not only is he covered in baby poo (which stinks and makes him irritable – AND irritating), but he can't even hold the kids right.

As we rounded the corner nearest the hospital wing, I felt Draco stiffen beside me. Someone ran up to us.

"Blaise." Was it my imagination, or did he actually sound embarrassed?

Blaise flashed a grin at me, and then turned to get a better look at Draco. "Hey, man, how's it… what the hell is that on your head?"

"Um…" Nope, it definitely wasn't my imagination.

I've got an idea! "Oh, Blaise," I cooed at him. "You know I love you right?"

He shrank back. "We don't know each other that well!"

"Hehehe. Well, don't hold what I'm about to do against me. Blame it on your buddy here for taking his time."


	4. If If is Good or A Lot of Shoe Throwing

**Disclaimer**: Yeah… I own absolutely nothing, sadly enough.

**Note: **Ok… blue bundle (boy) with blue-gray eyes, red hair; pink bundle (Molly) strawberry blonde, gray eyes; green bundle (girl) with red hair, hazel eyes.

**Summary**: _At first it was simple Draco+Ginny AKA Malfoy+Weasley = enemies. During a fight, a baby comes between them. Literally. They are told to watch the baby (as punishment). Do things change? You bet._

**A/N:** I'm going to go through these chapters and try my best to edit them. There are some things that just have to be fixed. For instance, Ginny's real name.

* * *

_**Baby, Oh Baby**_

_**IV: If… If is Good *OR* A Lot of Shoe Throwing**_

Draco's P.O.V. (My life officially sucks. Damn dirty diapers.)

Ok, this officially bites. I'm in the hospital wing. There's baby shit in my absolutely gorgeous and stunning hair, making it look… well, not-so absolutely gorgeous and stunning. My best friend, who I have known basically since I was born, is now laughing at me. There's a kid in my arms who is torn between crying for a nappy change and laughing at the fact that she (Molly) has her dirty _business_ on my head. I have to help raise three little rugrats with the help of this hot redheaded chic…

Oops. I did NOT just think that.

"Could this day get any worse?" I asked the ceiling.

The other two brats started crying.

"Draco!"

I sighed. "Yes, _Mistress_?" Ooh, that one caught her off guard. "Hey, Ginny, Gin, G- don't aim that shoe at me; I'm holding a baby here!" To prove my point, I held Molly up in front of my face. "Oomph." Careful not to drop Molly, I doubled over in pain as Weasley's shoe bounced off of my crotch.

I glared at Blaise as he outright laughed in my face. "Mate, don't look at me. You deserved it!"

"But… but… She didn't have to hit me there!"

"Malfoy, it's just way too easy to get to you. Let's let Madame Pomfrey wash your hair while I write to my parents for some of my baby things." I was ready to scoff in her face. Then she scowled at me and held up her other shoe. "If it wasn't for the fact that I need to write a letter and that your hair is beyond nasty, I would aim this shoe at your head!"

"Well, knowing you, Weaselette, my hair's probably cleaner than your shoe is, so it's not like it would make much of a difference! And besides, I doubt any of what you call 'baby things' are actually in good enough condition to be able to stand any more. It's not like your parents could really afford it."

And before I knew it, my red-faced (and red-haired!) 'wife' snatched Molly out of my arms and stormed off. But not before a well-aimed kick to my crotch.

"Damn, Malfoy, you really blew it." Blaise whistled and raised his eyebrows.

"What do you mean?" My voice cracked as though I was just hitting puberty. "Besides, at least we got out of that nasty nappy change." _And since when does he call me 'Malfoy?' It's always been 'Dray,' 'mate,' 'Draco,' or even 'asshole.' Something's up._

"First off, these two still need their nappies changed. And, second of all, _how could you miss it_? She was practically a **waterfall** when she left."

"Meaning?"

He huffed and nearly threw up his arms. It was then I noticed that he was still holding the blue bundle and the green bundle. "You jackass, you really fucked it all up big time!"

"You better hope she doesn't hear you say that!"

Blaise grinned at me. "Ah, so you care about her!"

"What are you talking about? I'm only warning you because she's going to slap you when she finds out."

"If."

"If… If is good." I nodded to myself. _Yeah. If… more like 'yeah, **right**.'_ She's going to catch his sorry bum. "Anyways. Mind explaining what you were telling me about?"

"Draco, how can you be so blind? Do you need glasses or something? The girl was about to cry when she practically ran out of here!"

"Ha, yeah right – as if a Weasley could cry." I really had to hold back a snort right here; Blaise looked so frustrated that he might throw one of the bundles in his arms at me.

'Why does everyone seem to want to throw something at me today?'

"Ok, l'idiote, just go back to your dorm. Hopefully we can find the mud- err, Granger –hey, I don't want to get slapped, either!- and she can show us how the heck you change the blasted things!"

I sighed in resignation. "Fine, fine. Let's just go ahead and get it over with."

"Draco, get your hair washed first. Please. It STINKS."

As we walked down the corridor (after my beautiful hair was cleansed), Blaise kept jabbering about his newest… _conquest_. "This girl is absolutely gorgeous. She's got the most beautiful long blonde hair and-" he paused. "She _**could**_ use a comb every once in a while, but who am I to complain? She says they're today's bad luck or something. I can't believe that she tried to have me help her find a Crumple-Horned Snorkack… what the heck are those things anyway?? Not like I didn't enjoy helping her. She has a very nice…" Ok, after that point I just stopped paying attention.

_Crumple-Horned Snorkack? What the heck – where have I heard that before?_ Realization hit me like a ton of bricks. "Dear Merlin!" Noticing a group of 4th year Hufflepuffs staring at me, I lowered my voice. The bloody puffballs are such gossips! "You fancy _Loony Lovegood_?!"

Blaise looked at me. "Yeah, and? Is there a problem with it or something?" _Oh, NO, of __**course**__ there's no problem with it, other than the fact that she's dating my fake-wife's brother!_ I wanted to punch some sense into him. Of course, I had to get rid of the temptation to do so, because Granger was right outside the Head dorms holding Molly.

"Malfoy!" She screeched at me. "What on earth did you do to her?"

_Her? Who's her? … Oh. Her._ "What do you mean, 'what did I do?' And why is Molly with you and not with Weasley?"

"Hah. If there's one thing you forgot, buddy-boy, it's that until these three little angels are gone, she's a Malfoy." Crap. Forgot about that. "But right now she's outside crying."

"Ok, so she's outside crying… How exactly is it that that's my problem?" I ignored the slashing motions that Blaise was making at his neck behind her back.

"Zabini, stop it!" she snapped, irritated. "Draco Malfoy, look outside, what do you see?" At my blank stare, she ran nearly mauled me.

"Crazy witch!" Blaise had to set the other two brats down in order to restrain her. "What is your _deal_?" I sat on the floor, gasping for air.

"Listen, punk, it is _storming_ outside… or were you too wrapped up in getting your precious hair washed to even notice it?" Just then, lightning flashed near the lake.

Oh, damn. Weasley's going to kill me if anything happens to her 'precious baby sister.' "Hey, Blaise, Granger, I, uh… I need to go do something. Can you two watch these three… and try to make up some names while you're at it?"

"Whatever. Just don't take too long." Granger winked at me and I left.

_Ugh. Mudbl- I mean, Granger winked at me. I honestly think the world is coming to an end._ Vaguely I heard Blaise say, "How about we name him Lumarzanda?"

"NO BLAISE!" Granger yelled.

I chuckled to myself. I heard thunder, and this time it sounded really close. "Bloody hell!" I muttered, and started running down the hall.

Oh, great, this is just my luck. It seems that everyone was heading towards the Great Hall because dinner was about to begin. "Hey, Draco!" I groaned. _Why do Crabbe and Goyle always seem to find me at the worst times? Better yet, how do they always seem to find me at __all__?_

"Come on, you two, I'm in a bit of a hurry here, can't this wait?"

"But Draco… the other Weasley… I heard people say he's coming to-"

"MALFOY!"

I groaned. _Shit_. Let's turn around and face the Weasel King now before he has a chance to make this huge-arse scene in the middle of the entrance. "Yes, dear Ronald, how are you doing?"

Everyone turned to stare at me in shock. "What, who, how?" he spluttered. I shoved open the massive doors and ran out into the rain. Geez, if I keep on having encounters with him like that every day, he's going to kill me.

"Ginny!" I yelled out into the rain. Hello, I honestly don't think that she'll take too well to me calling her 'Mrs. Malfoy' or 'Weaselette' right about now, or even 'Ginevra.' That last one might make her decide to commit homicide. I rather like being alive; I'm just so devilishly good-looking! _Where the hell is she? It's like she just crawled into a hole and… hold it, if she crawled into a hole, she would've drowned._ I shook that mental image from my head. _If she drowns, I'm going to have to go jump in the lake or let Voldy Moldyshorts Avada Kedavra me… It's still better than what her relatives would do when they find me. IF the find me… If. If is good._

Nearing the Quidditch pitch, I saw a mop of red hair up in the sky towards one of the goals. I don't know how I could have missed it; she was rapidly zooming in every direction possible. 'Has she officially lost her mind? Oh, nevermind, she's a Weas- or… not_.'_

"Ginny!" Evidently she heard me, because she stopped her suicidal flight and hovered near me.

"Oh, it's only him," I vaguely heard her say. "What do you want, _ferret_?" she called to me. "Haven't you made today bad enough? I mean, first you scare off one of my best friends. THEN you're the reason I'm stuck with three absolutely adorable kids. However adorable they may be, there are three of them and the Head of my House thought that I had some kind of intimate relationship with YOU. And then, when I was starting to think that we could _actually get along_, you decide to spout off some crap about my family just because we're not as rich as you, therefore proving what a prig you actually are! Am I forgetting anything, dear _husband_ of mine?" Ginny landed on the ground in front of me, her voice laced with venom.

I looked at her and nodded my head. An idea was forming in my head. Alright then, so I'll get killed for it later, but that's not the point. "Oh, you forgot to call me arrogant, stubborn, pig-headed, selfish, and you also forgot to mention the fact that I always get what I want."

"And what exactly is it that you want, Malfoy? Another chance to laugh at my hair and my hand-me-downs or just to-" I didn't let her finish, as I pulled her into an embrace –yes, Malfoy and embrace, words you don't normally see in the same sentence- and proceeded to practically snog her brains out.

Yes! Point for me – the handsomely dashing knight minus the shining armor! I let her go and headed inside right at the most perfect moment possible. We were both completely soaked. Her face almost matched her hair and she was gasping for breath. I ignored the fact that I was feeling a little warm. It was probably just from standing out in the rain for so long. At least if she wanted to rack me afterwards she'd have to track me down once she regained her senses. _This is great! She's not going to be able to think of anyone else… hold it, I don't **want** her thinking of me constantly… do I?_

As I walked back into the building, Blaise and Granger met me at the school entrance. Blaise was grinning like an idiot and Granger was blushing. "Do I really want to know?" I shook my head I walked past.

"Well," Blaise started.

"Shut up, Blaise. I thought you were on Loony Lovegood, not Granger."

Granger huffed. "Actually, Malfoy, I'm dating Harry.." She ignored the 'obviously' I muttered under my breath. She opened her mouth, then paused and turned to Blaise. "Wait, you fancy Luna?" She hesitated for a moment before speaking again. "Anyway. The blue bundle is named Zachary Draco Malfoy, and the green one is Angel Corvette Malfoy. Any objections?"

"No," Weasley said. "Corvette is actually cute. It's French for "speed" or "speedy," I think."

Granger smiled. "Good, because those are the names we found in their blankets. I am a little stunned that Angel is partially named after a car, though. That seems much too muggle, and their mysterious appearance is obviously non-muggle."

I eyed Granger and Blaise suspiciously. Blaise was practically bouncing out of his shoes. "What are you two plotting?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all." Granger waved me off. "Come on. When you were getting your hair washed I owled a letter to Ginny's parents and then to mine explaining what is going on. The baby things should be here by now; I don't know about my parents but I'd imagine Ginny's are quite excited in some way or other about three babies." We started back towards the Head dorms.

"So, Draco," Blaise began casually, unable to keep the sly grin off of his face, "how was the snog? It looked fabulous from where Granger and I could see."

He dodged the shoe I tried to aim at his head. "What is it with you two and shoes?" he cried.

Great, now I'll _never_ be able to get her out of my head. That is, it's not like she was there to begin with. Yeah…

"Malfoy, you're blushing," Granger called.

* * *

The "If… if is good" convo doesn't belong to me… It strictly belongs to Pain and Panic off of Disney's Hercules!


	5. Oops It's for Real

**Disclaimer**: I don't own it! … 'nuff said. The song lyrics (or part of) are not mine. They belong to Mariah Carey. Oh, and I don't own Twizzlers or any other candy reference used by Dumbledore. In case that matters.

**Note: ****blue** (Zachary Draco) blue-gray eyes, red hair; **pink** (Molly Narcissa) strawberry blonde, gray eyes; **green** (Angel Corvette) red hair, hazel eyes.

**Summary**: _At first it was simple: Draco+Ginny AKA Malfoy+Weasley = enemies. During a fight, a baby comes between them. Literally. They are told to watch the baby (as punishment). Do things change? You bet._

**A/N:** I'm going to go through these chapters and try my best to edit them. There are some things that just have to be fixed. For instance, Ginny's real name.

_**Baby, Oh Baby**_

_**V: Oops… It's for Real**_

Ginny's P.O.V. (Wow…)

Alrighty then. I'm currently in a state of shock.

No, wait. "State of shock" is definitely an understatement.

I am currently standing my stupid arse out in the rain – yes, I just called my arse stupid, got a problem with it?

…

No, I thought not. You shouldn't. I mean, come on – the son of my family's worst enemy (not Voldemort; the _next_ family down) has just…

Oh, bugger. I think my ears are turning the same color as my hair. But standing here, thinking about him… and possibly trying to catch my death in this rain out here… is doing me absolutely no good.

I thought I was mad at him…

**Oh your love's so good I don't want to let go  
And although I should  
I can't leave you alone  
'Cause you're so disarming  
I'm caught up in the midst of you  
And I cannot resist at all**

I still can't believe that he… I…

I didn't even realize I was outside spinning in the rain until Ron came and grabbed me. "Have you finally lost your mind?" he said. "What the hell are you doing out here; what's _wrong_ with you?" As an afterthought, he added, "And why is Malfoy being so _nice_?"

"Well, seeing as I just snogged him, you tell me!" Hmm… Who knew that my brother was like a rainbow? I laughed out loud while shaking inwardly. He went from white, to red, to purple all in about, say, three seconds. Hold it. I don't think I was supposed to say that. Did I just say I snogged Malfoy? To my _brother_, of all people? Oh, Ginny-girl, you've done it now!

"_Excuse me_?!" Ron turned around and started heading back to the castle.

"Ron," I called tentatively. "Where are you going?"

"Oh, I'm just going to knock out a certain Slytherin," he replied nonchalantly over his shoulder.

My heart sank. I didn't think it was possible for it to feel like it just fell in the dirt (especially at a time like this!) but it did. "Hey, Ron, wait up!" _Can't my legs carry me any _**_faster_**_? If he kills him, I'll be husbandless and with three kids!_ I giggled to myself, hoping Ron wouldn't hear and try to kill Draco, instead of just going to hex him. _I feel like one of those women on that thing, __Lifetime__, that Hermione was telling me about on the tellyvision thingy…_

Ugh. That boy doesn't slow down for anything. How much do you want to bet that if I threw a piece of bacon at him, he'd stop? _Oh yeah, I feel the love._ I snorted. _Yeah, my brother will stop for food, but he won't stop for me._

"Ron, I was just joking! Don't kill him, I'm only messing around; he didn't do anything! And besides, the kids are… they're part of a project! Yeah, a project." I nodded to myself, hoping that this excuse would get me out of the big hole I'd just dug.

"A _project_?" I nodded.

"Yup. It's… umm, Dumbledore is having us do him a favor. It's…" I floundered for an answer here. "It's a Muggle Studies side project; I get extra credit in the end. I have to pretend I'm married to Dra… Malfoy for a time period and act like a family."

He snorted. "That must be why it's an _extra credit_ project – because no one can stand Malfoy for more than a minute." _Is he purposely trying to __bait__ me?_

"Yeah, that's it! No one can stand him for more than a minute!" _Besides me_, I added silently. "But see, Ron, I have to get along with him if I want this grade."

"Ok, fine."

Alright, while he's over there muttering to himself, I'm going to try and escape. He doesn't need to know that I don't even _have_ a Muggle Studies class!

When I reached the entrance, I realized that Hermione still had Molly and Zabini was still carrying the other two… You know, I'm starting think that names are going to be necessary for this.

"Hey, Weas- uh, Malfoy!"

I growled. Could Zabini be yelling any louder? "Yes, Blaise?" I turned a sickeningly sweet smile towards him.

He shrank back towards the wall. "Did I come at a bad time?"

"Oh no, Blaise, of _course_ not. It's just that you happen to be yelling my 'new last name' across the school!" I whispered heatedly at him.

"Well, I just figured that you wanted to know that we're all up in the Head dorms right now." He started walking, then stopped when he realized I wasn't following him. "Are you coming or not?"

"Fine, Zabini, let's go already. I just want to make sure you didn't kill my… THE kids!"

Blaise grinned at me. _What is he plotting? That grin of his looks a little too innocent for my taste._ "'Your' kids, huh? This wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that Draco's the 'daddy,' now would it? Ow! One day you're going to get sued for abuse!" He looked at me accusingly and rubbed the back of his scalp.

"Call it a maternal instinct, **dear**."

"Ouch. Anyway, Granger sent off a letter to your parents and hers telling them what was going on… The stuff should be arriving here or later today. Here we are."

I looked up. He _was_ right. I guess time flies when you're - well, I wouldn't exactly call this having fun. It works, though.

"Did you enjoy it?" Ok, I'm going to ignore that question. It's obvious what he was talking about, but I'm going to ignore it. I don't want the whole world knowing that I was snogged senseless on the Quidditch pitch (and that I was dancing out in the rain afterwards).

"Get to the password already, Zabini."

He shrugged. "I don't know it."

_Ok, Ginny, stay calm. It's ok, it's not that important. We can just go to Professor Dumbledore or someone for the password. It doesn't matter, just keep your cool…_ "WHAT DO YOU **MEAN** 'YOU DON'T KNOW THE PASSWORD?!'" _Eh. So much for remaining calm._

Draco poked his head out of the Head entrance. "What's all the yelling out here going on about? Shut up and come inside – Zach, Angel, and Molly are all sleeping." At my questioning look, he groaned. "Granger and Zabini found the names the boy and the other girl in their blankets, ok? Zachary Draco and Angel Corvette… It's better than Blaise trying to make Zach a 'Lumarzanda.'"

"You tried to do_ what_ to my son?" I hissed.

Blaise breezed past me (before I had chance to do more bodily harm to him) and muttered something to Draco. _Is he blushing? No, apparently Malfoys don't blush, so of _**_course_**_ he's not!_

"Hey, Zabini, we need a babysitter. Dumbledore needs to talk see us in his office."

"Sure, sure, how hard can it be?"

Draco gave me a look that clearly said 'He has no idea what he is getting himself into.' I had to stifle a laugh. "Ok, ok, but give them to Granger whenever she comes back. I don't want you, Potter, or Weasel killing them." I made a face at him. "Sorry, I mean I don't want you, Potter, or _Weasley_ killing them. Happy?"

Ignoring the indignant "Hey!" we left out of the portrait and headed towards the Headmaster's office. "So, where _is_ Hermione?"

"I don't even want to think about it. I had no idea that she was so persuasive." I raised my eyebrows. "She managed to get about 50 galleons out of a stash I had –no, I wasn't saving for Playwizard magazines, I know that's what you're thinking- and went baby shopping after she took every measurement possible."

_Heh,_ _go Hermione! … Are those footsteps that I hear?_

Draco paused and listened carefully. "Damn it, hide!" He yanked me behind a tapestry. "Pansy's coming," he answered to my questioning glance.

As we practically held our breath (to avoid inhaling mothballs and fuzz balls, what else?) I couldn't help but notice his cologne. _He's so… close…Must not choke on a mothball!_

"-out of here." Draco paused and looked at me. "Are you even listening?" _Nope, not a chance that I'm listening. You smell nice..._

"Sorry, I was too busy inhaling a piece of fuzz. Or were you too caught up in the tapestry to notice?"

"Would you tone down the sassiness for a minute?"

"You know I'm still mad at you, right?" _At least, I think I am. I don't exactly remember _**_how_**_ I felt before the… incident._

"Really… what for?"

"Draco, you know exactly what I'm talking about."

"Oh. You mean this?" He swung me around with my back towards the wall.

_Oh Merlin, he's going to kiss me again!_ My eyelids fluttered shut.

**It's a shame to be  
So euphoric and weak  
When you smile at me  
And you tell me the things  
That you know persuade  
Me to relinquish my love  
To you  
But I cannot resist at all**

…

_Uh, hello. Where's my kiss?_ I know that sounds spoiled, but that's exactly how I felt.

I opened my eyes, and there he was about 20 feet in front of me.

"You coming, Gin?" He called over his shoulder.

"Shut up, Malfoy, and don't call me that. Let's go." We walked in silence for a minute or so. "Ok, here we are at the Headmaster's office. Unlike your _wonderful_, and please note the sarcasm there, friend Zabini, do you have a clue what the password may be?" I couldn't let the taunting escape.

He grinned. "Twizzlers." The gargoyle moved out of the way. We headed up the stairs to be greeted by Professor Dumbledore and… what are my parents doing here?

"Oh, Ginny, we came as soon as we heard!" Why is my mum crying?

"You!" my dad roared, and then grabbed Draco by the arm and forced him into a chair. "I can't believe that you had the nerve to, to…" Sheesh, Dumbledore, just sit there while my parents try to kill us, why don't you… I see how it is.

"What'd he do, Dad?" I looked at him questioningly, and received such a look that I fell silent. Then again, it might be because when my parents are upset, it's hard to calm them down. Just peachy.

"You know exactly what he did." Then he turned to Draco. _Please don't let him burst into flames just because me dad glared at him too hard_. Hold it, I think Draco just might want to burst into flames. He looks about ready to pee in his pants! "I can't believe that you actually… you knocked up my daughter!" That did it.

Draco and I collapsed against each other as we howled with laughter. "You- I- he… knocked… up… too funny!" we gasped.

"What, pray-tell, is so funny?" Dad demanded.

Draco straightened up. "Hold it… what exactly did Granger put in that letter anyway?"

Mum blew in a hankie. "Oh, honey, when Hermione told us that you were pregnant and had to marry _him_, we had to come straight over. I can't believe you let him ruin your life like this!"

"Ginny, pick up your jaw. It's not very polite." Since when does Draco Malfoy know anything about polite?

"Uh, Mum… I'm not pregnant. We're only 'married' by terms of a… program!"

Draco snorted and muttered under his breath, "Hah, program? More of a detention!" I kicked him in the shin to make him be quiet.

"Actually, Mrs. Malfoy," Professor Dumbledore said, "That's where you're wrong." _What does he mean, __**'that's where I'm wrong? **__And why is he calling me that?__**'**_"It seems that when I turned to explain this… program… to you, Fawkes turned the page in the book from 'marriage ceremonies for the class' to the actual 'marital ceremonies.' I hate to admit it, but you two are going to be stuck together for quite a while."

"_**WHAT?!"**_

* * *

The song lyrics are from Mariah Carey's "Heartbreaker."


	6. 3 AM Reminiscing

**Disclaimer**: I own absolutely nothing… except a gigantic headache

**Note: ****blue** (Zachary Draco) blue-gray eyes, red hair; **pink** (Molly Narcissa) strawberry blonde, gray eyes; **green** (Angel Diamond) red hair, hazel eyes..

**Summary**: _At first it was simple: Draco+Ginny AKA Malfoy+Weasley = enemies. During a fight, a baby comes between them. Literally. They are told to watch the baby (as punishment). Do things change? You bet._

**A/N:** I'm going to go through these chapters and try my best to edit them. There are some things that just have to be fixed. For instance, Ginny's real name.

_**Baby, Oh Baby**_

_**VI: 3 AM Reminiscing**_

Draco's P.O.V. (I'm… a married man…)

It's somewhere around three in the morning right now. I have no honest idea why it is that I'm just staring up at the ceiling. Oh, and I also have a gorgeous redhead snuggled up to my chest. Yup, it's three in the morning and she's laying on me.

Don't laugh at me. And please don't ever tell anyone I said she's gorgeous. It's three in the morning – _everyone_ looks gorgeous at that time.

_Yeah. Especially her._

They'd all laugh at me if they knew that.

Well, that and they'd all laugh at me if they knew I gave Granger 50 galleons to go buy a bunch of baby necessities. At about 8 last night, an owl came back from Hogsmeade. Do you want to know why? Her shrinking charms couldn't shrink everything that she'd bought enough so that she could carry it back by hand! Potter, Weasley, _and_ I had to go back and help her! And then she got mad at us… My back still hurts!

I can't believe this! First I snogged Weasley (and then left her standing in the rain – I thought that was a pretty cool move, myself), then her dad tries to strangle me. And now I have just learned that I actually AM married. Maybe I should've paid more attention when he was telling us what was going on. I knew there was a reason that the charm sounded familiar

Hold it, a Malfoy with regrets? Nah.

But how do you go from being a Slytherin Sex God bachelor to a Slytherin Sex God married man with three kids in all of, what, 15 hours? And I'm married to a Weasley, no less.

What's worse, I think I like it.

Quit laughing!

It's not like I can exactly tell anyone that I like her. I mean, hello, Slytherin and Gryffindor? They'd think I'm off my rocker – about as off of my rocker as Dumbledore was when he 'married' us. I tell you, though, that man's smarter than he looks. Sneakier, too. I swear he and that phoenix of his, Fawkes, share a brain. I don't think that was all an accident.

_**

* * *

**_

Flashback

"_WHAT!" I'm vaguely surprised that Dumbledore's glasses didn't crack; everyone in the room started screaming at him at once. I find it ironic, though, that Dumbledore was trying to hide a grin behind his beard._

_Old man, if you're reading this, don't think that I didn't see that smirk of yours! What house were you in? Slytherin?_

"_What do you MEAN we're married?" Ginny shot at Dumbledore. Ouch. My thoughts exactly, but she didn't have to make it sound like I'm such a bad person. Sheesh._

"_You mean I'm now related to a __**Malfoy**__?" Mr. Weasley sounded like he was on the verge of passing out._

"_Gee, Dad, I feel OH SO LOVED right now! I just find out I'm technically married, and you're worried about who you're related to?! DEAR MERLIN, SHOOT ME NOW!" she screamed at him. I'm so glad I'm not the one facing her wrath right now. If people think her father and Weasel King are something, then they really need to stay away from her or at least keep her happy; she's like a volcano._

_I decided that it would be an appropriate time to start slinking towards the door. 'Almost… there…' Then the Weasley matriarch managed to cut off my path. 'Ah, bugger!'_

"_Oh, Draco, welcome to the family!" She gave me this absolutely huge smile. That should've warned me, because I'd seen it happen quite a few times to her sons at the train station._

_Then Mrs. Weasley pulled me into this huge hug. 'Ow. I think I need to go to the Hospital Wing. It feels like she cracked a couple of ribs!' "Thanks, Mrs. Weasley."_

"_Nonsense! Call me Mum. I mean, if Ginny hasn't killed you yet -no offense, son, and don't worry- then you can't be that bad!"_

"_Ugh…" My chest hurts now. "Do you… do you want to see the kids we're babysitting?"_

"_That's right – my grandkids!" Mrs. Weas… Mum dropped me like a rock and clasped her hands together. "Where are they? We can see them now?"_

_It's seems Ginny and her dad had finally stopped arguing. She caught my eye and winked. "Sure, Mum. But we have to be quiet. Draco said they were asleep. He put them down right before we came."_

"_Ginevra," Mum started in a warning tone. Ginny looked at her in alarm. "Who's watching them?"_

"_Blaise – he's a friend of Draco's, and Hermione… Harry might be back as well."_

"_Oh… that's a relief."_

**_End Flashback_**

* * *

I sighed. You know, it would be very nice to roll over right now. It's a shame that Ginny is sleeping on me. If I rolled over, she'd probably wake up, and we don't want another episode of what happened earlier.

**_

* * *

_**

Flashback (strictly a D/G convo, if you're confused)

_"You mean we have to share a bed?!" Ginny nearly screamed._

_I rubbed my temples and tried not to grumble. "Ginny, why do you always have to make such a fuss over these things? … Gin, put the shoe down!"_

_"I thought I **told** you **not** to call me Gin! And I don't give a rat's… **butt** if we're 'married' by all wizarding laws. I am NOT sharing a bed with you!" She crawled onto the bed and just clamped down._

_"Merlin, must this be more complicated than it really is?" I muttered to myself. Walking over to the bed, I grabbed her around the waist._

_"Malfoy, what are you doing?" Ginny looked at me warily._

_"Well, **Mrs. Malfoy**, it would seem that you are laying on my side of the bed!" There was no way in hell that she was kicking me out of my own bed. She was too busy looking at my 'innocent' face to realize that my hands were slowly sliding upwards…_

_Not like that, you pervs!_

"_Draco, stop it, you're tickling me! (she ignored my, "Uh, that was the point!") Let me go! I swear, you will be one unhappy camper when this gets through… let go of me!" I couldn't tell whether she was screaming or laughing._

"_You know what, I'm going to go take a shower before bed. I must warn you, though, that I sleep without a shirt." I headed towards the bathroom. "By the way," I called over my shoulder, "you can stop drooling now!" The only response I got was a pillow chucked extremely hard at my head, nearly knocking me over. 'Wow, she's got a killer arm.'_

_It's just my luck that she was asleep whenever I came out of the bathroom. I walked over to the bed (on __**my**__ side) and climbed in. Not even a minute later, I found her cuddling up to my chest. I put my arm around her._

"_Draco," she sighed._

_Yes! Point number 2 for me!_

"_You are such an idiot," she mumbled. My grin fell._

'_Oh well, she could've said something else. She could've called you Harry Bloody Potter.'_

_**End Flashback**_

* * *

And Granger! People, here's a warning – you NEVER send a woman by herself to go baby shopping. This does NOT mean to send her in a _group_ of women. It doesn't help. It just means you come back with even more stuff. Either that or they all come back mad at each other because they couldn't agree on what kind of mobile to put in the crib!

_**

* * *

**_

Flashback

_Draco,  
I need you to come to Hogsmeade with Ron and Harry, and Blaise if you can find him. I'm in a bit of a situation here. Don't worry, it's not a money situation – you've got change.  
__Hermione_

_When Potter, Weasley, and I got to Hogsmeade, we were thoroughly astounded. There was a huge pile of baby stuff in Granger's arms – I'm surprised she could even see so she could write the letter!_

"_Granger," I called, "how the heck did you write us that letter?"_

"_I didn't," came the muffled voice. "I dictated it to someone write for me." …I figured as much. "Hey, Harry, could you move the shoe box in front of my face so I can at least see where you all are?"_

"_Hey, Hermione?" Weasley called. "How exactly do you expect to get all this back to Hogwarts?"_

_Harry and I walked behind her and started making slashing motions at our throats. "Potter, Malfoy, stop it!" Wow, this seems oh-so-familiar. "Oh, Ron," she called sweetly._

"_Run!" I yelled and the three of us took off._

_Hermione dropped al the boxes she was carrying "__**Stupefy**__!" After that, the only thing heard from us was curses muttered in the dirt. Seeing all of the staring shoppers, Hermione broke into a huge saccharinely sweet grin… or at least, that's what her voice said. "There's nothing to see here! We're just practicing something for Defense Against the Dark Arts class!" Everyone believing the person who was (obviously) Head Girl, they moved on. "Now, come on boys." Wow, her voice went from too sweet to something that could make __**Voldemort**__ run! "You are going to carry ALL of the boxes back. And I don't mean using that shrinking charm either. I would've helped you out, but you have officially pissed me off." She charmed all of the boxes to (unfortunately) stay on our backs until we returned to Hogwarts. And if we fell on our face in the dirt, so be it._

_**End Flashback**_

* * *

Man… My day has been absolute hell. _My back is killing me!_ I looked at the redhead sleeping with my arm around her. _But it has been worth it. Now all I have to do is wake up at about 5 or 6 so I can get out of bed before she has a chance to wake up and kill me._

That's ignoring the fact that this IS my bed we're sleeping in right now.

**

* * *

**

Heh… the random thoughts of Draco Malfoy at 3 in the morning. Hope you all enjoyed that one!

**~V~**


	7. The Morning After

**Disclaimer**: I own absolutely nothing, and my hair is wet… Shows how much I love you (just kidding! Smile a bit)

**Note: blue** (Zachary Draco) blue-gray eyes, red hair; **pink** (Molly Narcissa) strawberry blonde, gray eyes; **green** (Angel Diamond) red hair, hazel eyes.

**Summary**: _At first it was simple: Draco+Ginny AKA Malfoy+Weasley = enemies. During a fight, a baby comes between them. Literally. They are told to watch the baby (as punishment). Do things change? You bet._

**A/N:** I'm going to go through these chapters and try my best to edit them. There are some things that just have to be fixed. For instance, Ginny's real name.

**_Baby, Oh Baby_**

**_VII: The Morning After_**

Ginny's P.O.V. (Uhh… That's got to be the best sleep I've ever had.)

Err… This pillow is so comfortable…

_Hey, why is my pillow moving?_ I blindly reached out and grabbed my pillow, then plopped my head right back down on it. "Good pillow," I murmured. My pillow twitched. "Keep still, you stupid thing!"

"Stupid! Who are you… uh, crap." I cracked open an eye, and nearly had a heart attack. _Why is Draco Malfoy IN MY BED?_

**

* * *

**

In the Head Commons

Everyone's hair rose on end as they heard the bloodcurdling scream. They relaxed as soon as they heard a couple of crashes and hurried apologies.

"Sounds like she woke up before he could escape," Blaise observed lazily.

"That's what happens when you crawl into the lion's den," Harry joked.

"DRACO! Get OUT! OUT _OUT_ **OUT **_**OUT **__**OUT**_!" The boys cringed.

"I would hate to be in his position," Harry said. Blaise dumbly nodded.

**

* * *

**

Back Inside the Room, 30 Minutes Later

I stretched lazily and gave a kitten-like yawn. Ok, so it wasn't kitten-like. More like a bear. I just had to tell you that before Ron got to it.

_This isn't my room… where am I?_ Then the memory of what happened last night returned to me, and I couldn't help the grin that came across my face. "Hah. I kicked Draco Malfoy out of his own bed. This is great! I can't wait to tell that one to Hermione – she'll never believe it!" I stripped off my nightgown and got ready to enter the closet to find something to wear when I noticed a figure sitting huddled in the corner. I peered closer. "Draco?"

His eyes shot open wide, as he noticed that I was about five feet from him. "Don't come any closer!" He said.

_Why does he sound scared? _I tapped my chin in thought. _But more importantly, why is he sitting in the corner staring at me in my knickers?!_

"DRACO! Get OUT! OUT _OUT_ **OUT **_**OUT **__**OUT**_!"

* * *

**In the Head Commons… again**

Blaise whistled. "Dang. What did he do _**this**_ time?" He and Harry shrugged at each other and continued their game of Wizards' Chess.

"That reminds me," Harry began, "Where's Ron?"

"I think Mrs. Weasley said he went into shock when he found out he was related to a Malfoy. He's in the Hospital Wing, the bed closest to the window."

Harry stood up. "I'm going to go see how he's doing."

* * *

**(Draco's) Head Boy Dorm… again**

Wow. That shower felt absolutely wonderful. It at least gave me a bit of time to think coherently.

Hmm… I wonder where Draco is. I need to go apologize for royally beating the crap out of him. _There's a note on the desk… I wonder who it's from._

_Ginny,  
I've taken the trips on a 'tour' of Hogwarts. We'll be out on the Quidditch pitch at one for lunch if you want to come join us.  
Oh, and before I forget – please wear flip-flops, not tennis shoes. They hurt less.  
Draco_

Oh, it figures. Leave me here by myself, why don't you? I glanced at my watch. It's about 11:30… I have plenty of time to burn.

I poked my head out of the room. "Hey, Blaise!" I said upon seeing him sitting on the couch in the Commons all by himself. I looked around. "Where is everyone?"

"Well, Harry's checking on Ron in the Hospital Wing because your brother went into shock when he found out you are legally married to Draco. He's in the bed closest to the window. Draco's taking the trips out for a stroll (and don't even ask where Hermione found a stroller that big), and Hermione… I'm just praying that she's not going shopping again. When Draco showed up with all of those boxes on his back, he looked like he was in some serious pain. He told me before he, Weasley, and Potter left that he probably had to help them against some Death Eaters or something… Granger's a Death Eater herself when it comes to baby shopping! Anyway, Draco can tell that story better than I can. It's Sunday and we have a lot of time on our hands – want to go down to the Great Hall and grab something to eat?"

I nodded, then stopped. "Blaise, wouldn't that cause a problem?" He raised an eyebrow at me "First off, I don't think we'd be too welcome sitting together at the Gryffindor or Slytherin table – opposing Houses, obviously. Second off, I have to meet Draco for lunch in just over an hour."

"Whatever. I don't think people will actually care that much… will you at least walk down there with me? Maybe we can spot your husband or someone."

I groaned. "Don't remind me. Please. Don't. I'll be nice and walk you out, though. It's on my way, and I'm in no rush."

He flirtatiously offered me his arm, and I took it. "So, Gin-"

"What do you want from me?" I raised an eyebrow.

He nervously twitched. "What makes you think I want anything?" _Is he sweating?_ "Oh, all right! You know Luna Lovegood?"

_What planet has he been **on**? Of course I know her; she's one of my best friends!_ "Yeah, I know her. What's up?" He gave me a look. "Oh, you can't be serious!"

Come to think of it, he looked thoroughly offended whenever I said that. "That's basically what Draco said. Why does everyone think I'm nuts for fancying Luna Lovegood?"

"I don't think you're nuts. She's an awesome person. But she is dating my brother. Why? Do you want me to hook you two up or something?"

I don't think he realized I was joking about hooking them up; I have enough problems to worry about, thank you very much! One of them being "has Draco learned how to change a diaper yet?" _Oh, nevermind, Mum showed him how to do that last night when the kids woke up. Well, that's one problem solved, at least._

"Hey, Blaise, why do you and Draco call the kids 'trips?'"

He gave me an 'are-you-blind?' look. "They're obviously triplets." Oh. He snickered at the look of realization on my face. "And they look so much like their parents, too. Red hair, light blonde hair. Hazel eyes, gray eyes, a little bit of blue floating around in there. Think about it."

_What the heck is he talking about? Is he suggesting that-_ "BLAISE!" I screamed. I turned around but the boy had already zoomed out of sight. "I'll get you later," I mumbled.

Upon reaching the Great Hall, I was met with one of the scarier sights to man-(and woman!)kind.

…

A rabid fangirl pack. And they were obviously obsessing over something.

"Ugh, excuse me." I tried to push my way to the entrance of the school when something caught my eye. Is that platinum blonde hair that I see? No, it couldn't be, He's not that stupid. Hold it, there's the stroller. I take it back, he IS that stupid. I can't believe he took my babies CHIC HUNTING!

Instead of paving a way towards the entrance, I pushed directly towards the center of the circle. There was a little green outfit with a red mop in the air. I know he did NOT let that bloody trollop hold my child! "Oh, Booger-Bear!" I snatched Angel out of the offending girl's arms. She huffed at me and looked about ready to fuss. I glared at her and started cooing at the baby girl in my arms. "How are you, sweetie? Mommy's missed you so much. Especially since Daddy took you for a walk before I got up. Now where are Daddy, Molly, and Zach-ie, baby girl?"

Someone nervously cleared their throat behind me. "Um, here we are, Gin." I looked up and saw Draco. To everyone else, they saw the little 'Aww, she loves him' look. He saw, 'We are going to have a LONG talk, and don't call me Gin!' And that was exactly the way I wanted it.

"Oh, Draco, **sweetie**, I have been looking absolutely everywhere for you. What was the surprise you had for me for our anniversary?" Please note the over-sugared tone.

"What anniversary?"

I broke into (obviously fake) high-pitched sobs. "I can't believe that, that… you don't love me-e-e-e-e any mo-o-o-ore! How could you forget our anniversary, and on the day these wonderful children came into our lives and ::hiccup:: I don't believe you!" I glanced at my watch, Yup, I got the anniversary part right. Sort of. All these girls think it was a year or so… It's only been 24 hours.

"There there, it's ok." A random Hufflepuff patted me on the back, while the rest of the girls glared at Draco. They all walked off, and she (the Hufflepuff) even kicked Draco!

Oh yeah, score one for the Ginny-girl! And it's from a Hufflepuff, so I'm going to be generous (to myself) and multiply that by five.

"Malfoy!" I hissed at him.

"That's 'husband Malfoy' to you," he grinned in this adorable way.

Ergh, Malfoy and adorable in the same sentence? That should not be allowed! Sexy, I can understand that, but adorable?

"AS I WAS SAYING… What did you think you were doing with our- THE children?" Hopefully he didn't notice that little slip-up of mine. "They're not a girl attraction!"

"Well, they seem to be attracting you," he said. "So, how about that lunch I owled you about?"

I huffed, clearly upset at not being able to rant at him. "Fine. But we are having a LONG talk about this later, Mister!"

"That's 'Mister Husband Malfoy' to you, Gin."

"AH!" He frustrates me SO much!

…

And I'm actually starting to like it.

"Come on, you have to be blindfolded for this. It's a really beautiful place."

I snorted. "Uh huh." He tied a handkerchief around my eyes and led me to… some place.

"What? I'm actually trying to be serious! And I'm trying to make up for getting us into this… mess."

I pulled Angel a little bit closer to my chest. "Mess? Mess?"

He cringed. "Wrong choice of words, I take it?"

"I'm sorry for trying to knock you out this morning. I'm also sorry for not letting you sleep in the bed last night." Draco snickered at me. "What's so funny?"

"You know, I generally respect people and their privacy, but I just had to sleep in my own bed last night. It would've been kind of awkward." He took off the blindfold.

"Draco, it's beautiful!" I gasped.

He tried to hurry and explain himself. It's as if he thinks that he's becoming some kind of softie by doing this. "Well, I thought I'd do something nice for you… for a change… I'm sorry about insulting you yesterday. These little rugrats had me at the end of a tight rope yesterday. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy having them around. The past twenty-four hours have been insane. It's hard to believe we're somehow married, but you're not awful. It could've been worse, I guess. You should've seen the trips this morning – Molly knocked over a goblet of pumpkin juice on Pansy, and Pansy had a fit!" He and I both started laughing. "Of course, then she started cursing at her, and nobody treats my daughter that way."

Wow. Draco Malfoy looked at Molly like she really was his daughter. Then again, with the strawberry blonde hair and gray eyes, I really wouldn't be surprised. I tell you, they have to be related SOME how! I can't imagine Malfoy married to a redhead, but hey, it could happen!

Oh wait, it did happen. I'm a redhead, and he's married to me. Or I'm married to him. Whatever. Well, the sooner this "project" is over the sooner we can file for an annulment.

"So… how's your brother doing?" he inquired.

I forced my mind off of our accidental marriage and back to him. "Uh…" Well, I wasn't exactly sure how to respond to this one. I mean, they don't even get along. Last I checked, my brother was out for Draco's head! "I just heard from Blaise not that long ago that he was in the Hospital Wing, so I plan on visiting him after we eat, and I want to grab him some chocolate from the kitchens… Do you want to come?"

"I would, but your brother's already in shock. I don't exactly want to kill him. The kids have made you and me nicer to each other, but I can't say the same for him and me." Draco chuckled. "Now, about all this food that we have out here."

As we picked out way through the lunch basket, we chatted about anything and everything that came up. "You didn't hear about the pictures of Snape dancing around in his underwear?" I was truly shocked. How could anyone have missed it?

"No, but I do remember back last year when Longbottom accidentally flooded the Transfiguration classroom… Speaking of which, do you want to go swimming out in the lake?"

Startled, I looked at him. "Swimming?"

"I won't take no for an answer. You forget, I'm a Malfoy and Malfoys always get what they want." He winked at me and my throat went dry as I remembered that kiss yesterday. Whoa, yesterday? It seems like it's been ages. This is… I need to watch myself. Draco kept talking, oblivious to my inner thoughts. "It's the perfect time of year, and I'm still trying to make up for what happened last night. Granger also bought some muggle things called 'floaties' for Zach, Mol, and Angel."

I appeared to be in thought for a moment, tapping my chin. "No."

He actually appeared to be a little disappointed. "Really?"

"Are you kidding? Of course I want to go swimming!" The glint in his eyes should've warned me what he was about to do. "Draco… Draco, what are you doing? PUT ME DOWN! AHH!"

::SPLASH::

I poked my head out of the water, and spit out a little fountain. Draco was laughing at me. When he noticed my somber expression, he stopped. "Are you ok, Gin?" he asked, reaching his hand up to help me out of the water.

I took it willingly… and pulled him in with me. "How's it feel now, loverboy?"

"You got my hair wet, Weasley!"

"Ah ah ah, that's 'Mrs. Malfoy' to you, buck-o." I waved my finger at him.

"How about we make sure of that?" He whispered and leaned closer.

Alright, I admit it – in the space of about 24 hours, I seem to have developed a crush on Draco Malfoy… Talk about weird. I'll just blame it on my rampant 16-year-old girlie hormones.

"Mr. Malfoy…" I put my arms around his neck.

"Mrs. Malfoy," he muttered and I grinned as I pressed my lips to his.

"GINEVRA MOLLY WEASLEY!!!!!"

Draco and I groaned. "How did Ron get out of the Hospital Wing so early?" Draco said.

"Ergh… Blaise DID say he was in the hospital bed next to the window. He must have looked out the window." Draco and I looked up at Hogwarts, and there was Hermione leaning out of the Hospital wing waving at us.

"Figures."

**

* * *

**

Wow, isn't that ironic. Can't imagine him married to a redhead, huh? Look in a mirror, Ginny-babe. ::grin:: And Ron… he's going to go into cardiac arrest if he keeps it up with that redhead temper of his. (No offense to all of you redheads out there, lol)  
You all like? Yes, no, maybe so?

**~V~**


	8. Another AN

_**Baby, Oh Baby**_

_**VIII: A/N**_

I know it's been forever and a century since I've updated. Right now I'm going through the chapters and editing things about them. I'll do my best to be better with updating this, but I'd also like to make it known that school is pretty hectic right now. Oh, the joys of procrastinating

No, that's not my excuse for the past, well, years of not updating.

Please bear with me. You guys have been pretty much amazing. I hope you all haven't lost complete interest in this story.

~*~eX Driver Liz~*~


End file.
